Season 10, Episode 218: Give 'Em Hell, Hawkeye
Original Air Date: 11/16/81
Written by: Dennis Keonig
Directed by: Charles S. Dubin
Hawkeye gets enraged upon reading in the newspaper how poorly the peace talks are going, so mad that he sits down and writes a letter to President Truman, with a simple request: stop the war.
He tells the president about some of the stupid, troubling, and demoralizing events at the 4077th, like when a Col. Ditka (Stefan Gierasch) arrived and demanded the camp start a beautification effort since, in the eyes of visiting dignitaries, "This place just looks terrible."
In exchange for much needed equipment, the 4077th agrees to go along with Ditka's request, and Margaret and Klinger are put in charge. They hire a local boy, Kim Han (Lance Toyoshima) to round up bushes and plants from the nearby hills. Kim Han is a smooth talker, wiser than his years, and is obsessed with all thing American.
He's so obsessed that he asks B.J. to perform elective surgery on his eyes, to make them look "more American." B.J., horrified, turns Kim Han down, but that doesn't stop Kim Han. He wanders off, saying he'll just travel to the 8063rd where someone will do it for him.
Hawkeye relays this to Truman in his letter, worried that if the U.S. stays in Korea any longer, they'll "have all of Korea disoriented."
Later, Margaret sits down to a meal next to Kim Han, just before he heads off to the 8063rd. She butters him up, telling him what a dreamboat he is, and how, in just a few years, he's going to be a real lady killer, unlike the "clumsy young boys" many of the G.I.s were at his age.
Kim Han takes all this in, and then turns down his ride to the 8063rd. Margaret, smiling, leaves the Mess Tent, giving B.J., sitting nearby, the thumbs up.
The beautification project finally gets finished, complete with water fountain made from bedpans. Col. Ditka comes to inspect it, and, after a few moments of silent contemplation, says he likes it. The 4077th breaks into cheers, knowing they'll be getting the new, better water heater they need.
Hawkeye relates this crazy scheme to President Truman, ending the letter with a plea for help to bring them all home.
Fun Facts: Another episode where M*A*S*H's timeline is completely out of whack: Truman is still president in this episode, even though we learned officially that Eisenhower was in office as far back as Season Four's "The Late Captain Pierce."
Winchester inoculates all the local "bar girls" to prevent an STD outbreak. One of the young women is asked if her mother knows what she does for a living. She turns to the older woman next to her, points, and says proudly, in broken English: "Dees is my mada!" For whatever reason, Tracy and I laugh every time we hear that particular read.
There seems to be some odd continuity in this episode, outside of the stuff with the presidents--in one sequence near the end, Hawkeye hands the letter for Truman to Nurse Kellye, asking her to drop it in the mail. But, in the following scene, Hawkeye is still writing it!
Favorite Line: Klinger talks up Kim Han's smarts: "Yesterday we played Name The Capitals. He skunked me--and I knew four!"